


Ace It, Emma!

by itsOzzie



Category: The Prom (2020), The Prom - Sklar/Beguelin/Martin
Genre: F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-12 20:08:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29266254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsOzzie/pseuds/itsOzzie
Summary: Shelby Gonzales and Emma Nolan had more in common than either of them were willing to admit. Supposedly that shouldn't come as a surprise, considering they were best friends in middle school a couple of years back before drifting off in freshman year. They didn't remain amicable for very long after that since Emma got outed as a lesbian. But sometimes Emma looked at her old friend and thought, maybe she didn't want her completely gone. She didn't seem to hate her with a total vengeance. But either way, the divide had been long made the second Shelby found herself befriending Kaylee. A popular, beautiful cheerleader who, to Emma, seemed rather shallow and uninteresting. Now it was junior year, and they would have an odd way of reconciling after 2 years of not speaking, and it started one typical Monday morning in April. It seemed rather typical, at least, unless you were paying attention. Unless you bothered to stay in the hallway, which Emma could never do anymore. But for the people who were paying attention, they immediately heard it, the moment Kaylee, Shelby, and Alyssa walked in the doors of James Madison High School.
Relationships: Alyssa Greene/Emma Nolan, Kevin/Shelby (The Prom Musical)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 28





	Ace It, Emma!

**Author's Note:**

> ...I did it.
> 
> I really hope this fic does well because SO MUCH SHIT WENT INTO IT. It started as a collaboration between AO3 user Adohug and me way back in September of 2019, and they came up with all of the best parts of the fic, including the title, but then we collectively realized we couldn't write the horny scenes. So we abandoned it until I picked it up on my own a year later, and then I still couldn't write the horny scenes until I listened to too much Hozier and now this fic is making me question where I am on the ace-spectrum for a second time. I'm tired. Please don't let it flop.

Shelby Gonzales and Emma Nolan had more in common than either of them were willing to admit. Supposedly that shouldn't come as a surprise, considering they were best friends in middle school a couple of years back before drifting off in freshman year. They didn't remain amicable for very long after that since Emma got outed as a lesbian. But sometimes Emma looked at her old friend and thought, maybe she didn't want her completely gone. She didn't seem to hate her with a total vengeance. But either way, the divide had been long made the second Shelby found herself befriending Kaylee. A popular, beautiful cheerleader who, to Emma, seemed rather shallow and uninteresting. Now it was junior year, and they would have an odd way of reconciling after 2 years of not speaking, and it started one typical Monday morning in April. It seemed rather typical, at least, unless you were paying attention. Unless you bothered to stay in the hallway, which Emma could never do anymore. But for the people who were paying attention, they immediately heard it, the moment Kaylee, Shelby, and Alyssa walked in the doors of James Madison High School. Kaylee seemed oddly excited.

"Come on, no teacher is gonna hear you, how was it?"

"I  _ told _ you, Kev and I didn't...um..." Shelby mumbled, and Kaylee didn't seem to notice it, but Alyssa thought she looked downright uncomfortable.

"We're not kids, Shelbs," Kaylee argued. "You're gonna have to admit to it eventually."

Finally, Alyssa spoke her mind about the situation. "You've been harassing her for 20 minutes, does it really matter  _ that  _ much?"

She swore she saw Shelby let out a sigh of relief, but either way, the deed had already been done. They had just walked in but people were already staring, already seeing, already knowing some screwed up version of the story. But that wasn't the right story at all.

It was a week or so later, and the rumors that Shelby and Kevin finally had sex after a year of being together were still being thrown around. And Shelby's nerves hadn't died down at all. To be fair, she was now somehow being looked at even more by the boys in their school, despite how for the last few days she had been "covering up" more than usual. It concerned Alyssa enough that before cheer practice in the locker room, she was thinking of asking Shelby about what really happened. She wasn't sure where to start, though, until Shelby made a comment about the cheer uniforms they were putting on. Alyssa was staring at the linoleum floor, just to make sure she didn't look in the wrong place.

"Why are these skirts so short? I love these uniforms, but God this is hideous."

"Huh?!" Alyssa blurted nervously because lately, she'd had a reason to be anxious in the locker room. She was gay. And despite dating Emma Nolan, her impulse told her to not let her gaze linger on anybody. Not even her best friend, so she kept her eyes on the floor and thankfully Shelby wasn't done ranting.

"I mean, these guys are ridiculous! Don't know how to be discreet and probably never learned what consent is!"

This, Alyssa could relate to. "Boys are such creeps, Shel. How did you even fall in love with one?"

Alyssa's words brought a tiny smile and coating of blush to Shelby's face. Lightened her up for a moment. "He's not like them, Lys. He respects me. And that's mutual."

Alyssa raised her eyebrows as she put two and two together. "I have a feeling you really weren't lying about not actually having sex with Kevin."

Shelby grimaced slightly at the mention of the rumor, not that Alyssa saw. She sighed. "I trust you. Can I tell you...what happened?"

"Uh, sure," Alyssa said, forcing herself to look up when she realized Shelby was done changing and the locker room was otherwise deserted. 

"I tried to tell myself I wanted it...I really did. If only for Kev's sake. But I...I didn't feel anything. I realized he was getting excited and I got scared. I panicked and all of a sudden I couldn't breathe. I left my body. And I'm still thinking about it. What if there's something wrong with me?”

"Oh God, he didn't try to..."

Shelby filled in the blank, shaking her head. "No. But it almost makes me feel worse because he didn't do anything wrong."

"Neither did you," Alyssa reminded her friend. "And you'll never be broken because of it."

Their conversation was cut short by the coach yelling from outside that they were taking too long to get ready. Alyssa was just glad to have gotten in her last remark. Shelby was grateful to have gotten that off her chest, at least until the football players started ogling from across the field.

It was a few months later by the time the topic came up with Emma. She and Alyssa had been together for six months when Alyssa stumbled into the band closet, breathless.

Emma swallowed a bite of her sandwich. “You alright?”

“Yeah...yeah, I just--um--”

She was sweating. Emma could see it from across the room, dripping down her face.

“You might be able to lie to everyone else, but you can’t lie to me.”

Emma watched Alyssa’s brain appear to stop functioning at the statement as she sat down next to her.

“Do you ever think about...us having sex?”

“No?” She pretended not to notice the disappointed glimmer in Alyssa’s eyes, but couldn’t. “I mean...I just...don’t think about sex at all?”

“Would you...want to?”

Emma bit her lip, and there was a pause. “I don’t see why not.”

“Can we…?”

Emma couldn’t help but grin at the utter mess Alyssa had been reduced to, and she answered the question with a slow kiss, letting her take the lead.

It happened quickly. Faster than Emma expected. They took turns peppering each other’s necks with kisses that kept growing deeper and deeper. Alyssa’s breath was warm on Emma’s chest as she kissed a spot on Alyssa’s collarbone and she gasped beneath her, breath shuddering in a way that caught Emma off-guard. She couldn’t tell what clicked in Alyssa’s mind, but all of a sudden she was wrestling to get her shirt off. Emma dipped her kisses lower on Alyssa’s chest, drifting towards her stomach. Alyssa started giggling between soft, affirmative moans, and it only reminded Emma how in love with her girlfriend she was. Finally, Alyssa got enough control over herself to flip them over so she was on top. Her hands slid up Emma’s shirt, taking in her every curve. 

Alyssa’s breathing was ragged as she spoke to Emma, a simple utterance of “You’re beautiful,” but it was then that Emma realized she wasn’t having the same reaction to it as Alyssa.

She was supposed to like this, she knew that. She knew society made a big deal out of sex. It was everywhere, even advertising. (Though late-stage capitalism made this unsurprising at best--she shouldn’t be thinking about the evils of capitalism right now, should she?) But more importantly, it was supposed to be the end goal for a relationship. And she loved Alyssa, she knew that for sure, so why wasn’t this working? What was missing? What did she do wrong?

Alyssa slipped her shirt off for her. She was glad for that because it wouldn’t have felt right otherwise. This didn’t feel right. Maybe it would if she held out a little longer. Alyssa kissed low on her stomach, the same thing she just did to her, and it only made her feel worse. Meanwhile, a hand slipped into her jeans.

She couldn’t do it.

“Please, stop, I can’t--”

She didn’t know what she was going to say but it didn’t matter anyway, because Alyssa immediately stepped back and gave Emma her space. That didn’t stop her from starting to sob.

“I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to freak out!”

“Do I look mad?”

Emma forced herself to shake her head.

“Where did I lose you?”

“I don’t know,” Emma choked out in a scream. From the way her breathing shallowed it was clear she was on the verge of a panic attack.

Alyssa shoved her shirt back on as fast as she could. “Hey, it’s okay. You’re okay. I want you to feel safe with me. I just don’t want to make the same mistake again.”

“I wanted to--” Emma sputtered before realizing there was no way to explain it in a way that would make sense to Alyssa. She tried to change course. “I didn’t realize--”

She felt herself getting lost in her head. Drowning in thoughts and questions and panic.  _ You did something wrong. You’re not good enough for her. How do you fuck up at something that’s meant to be human nature? _

“Breathe, Emma.”

She forced out an exhale, attempting to mirror Alyssa's deep breathing. After a few minutes she had recalibrated, and Alyssa was the first to speak. “Do you wanna talk about it now or do you want to wait a little while?”

Emma had always considered herself open to the idea of sex; she just didn’t think about it. It never crossed her mind, and she thought she’d like it more in the moment. In fact, she didn’t realize anyone had those feelings outside of the heat of the moment, until right now. And she wasn’t sure what to do with that knowledge.

“We’re not thinking about this the same way.”

“Obviously.”

“No, I mean...I wasn’t thinking of it at all until you brought it up. I...I kind of didn’t realize there were feelings that came before it,” Emma stammered, waiting for Alyssa to look at her weird, to interject and call her crazy, but it never happened. “And then you started  _ doing stuff  _ and it made me feel weird.”

“Weird how?”

“I didn’t like it. I didn’t not like it either, it was just...a thing, but you, like,  _ really liked  _ it and I got scared.”

“I’m sorry about that.”

“No, don’t--you don’t have to apologize. If anything I should apologize because I can’t just be normal and want this like everyone else.”

“Hey, no, don’t apologize for having boundaries.”

Emma didn’t say anything for a moment. Then she muttered a slight change of topic, not wanting to go on about how she somehow felt inferior because of this.

“I wanna make you feel nice, I just don’t wanna take my pants off.”   
  
“That’s okay. We can try again another day if you want.”

Emma moved forward and rested her forehead into the crook of Alyssa’s neck. She murmured a thank you and Alyssa moved to stroke Emma’s hair, which only made her lean into Alyssa further.

“You like that?”

Emma practically purred into Alyssa’s chest. They sat like that for the rest of the period and Alyssa’s mind wandered to Shelby. Her incident with Kevin, and now that she thought about it, it seemed like it was close to the same thing. 

A week later, Alyssa was in the locker room. She was changing back into her regular clothes when Kaylee said something to her.

“You're acting different today.”

Alyssa shot her gaze to the floor and asked, “How?”

“I mean, checking yourself out in the mirror for way longer than usual is one thing that I wouldn't expect from you.”

Alyssa went bright red.

“So...did something happen?”

Alyssa knew what she was alluding to, and the short answer was yes. God,  _ something  _ happened and Alyssa swore she would never be the same person ever again.

* * *

It had taken Emma way too long to get her hands where Alyssa wanted them. She tried to be patient, knowing she didn’t understand, but every passing moment made her feel like she was marching closer and closer to falling off the deep end. Finally, Emma’s fingers brushed her already soaked clit and she couldn’t control herself for a moment. Her hips jerked.

“Jesus--"

“You okay?” Emma asked. Suddenly hesitant, she bent her finger slightly.

“Do that again,” Alyssa demanded in a moan.

Slowly, Emma did as she was told. Alyssa’s whole leg twitched.

“Oh my God, what the  _ fuck _ ?”

“I promise--” Alyssa’s voice went up at least an octave. Emma gave her a smirk that only made her lose herself further as she cleared her throat. “I promise I like it.”

Emma paused for a moment, bewildered. Then she slid a second finger in, just to mess with her. Alyssa tried to respond but offered only a series of incoherent syllables.

“Please--keep--”

“Good girl Alyssa Greene, debate team captain, unable to form a coherent sentence,” Emma mused in a teasing tone as if to her it were just a thought but she knew if she said it like that Alyssa would go mad. “What would Edgewater think if they knew it was me?”

“Emma--”

Right now, the rest of Edgewater didn’t exist. It was Emma. Just Emma, only Emma, she was the only thing that existed and Alyssa was just living in her universe. For some reason, the Goddess chose her to turn into this. Why her? Alyssa may never know.

“ _ Emma _ \--I need--”

She was getting used to this kind of response now, and she reacted by jamming her fingers as far as they could go. Alyssa’s thighs were dripping wet, trembling uncontrollably, and suddenly Alyssa moaned so loudly that Emma couldn’t help but pull her fingers out. She went blissfully quiet for a solid 20 seconds and then started painting faintly. Emma lay down next to her, and their bare breasts were touching as Emma leaned her jean-clad legs against Alyssa’s bare ones. She shivered as Emma looked up at her, still clearly coming out of some blank state.

“Where’d you go just then?”

“I can’t explain it. It’s everything and nothing all at once, but the only thing was you,” Alyssa’s voice was suddenly hushed and hoarse.

“Yeah, that made no sense. But you liked it, so I’m happy.”

“You deserve an award for that,” Alyssa said with a chuckle, “You sure you’ve never done that before?”

“I’m sure.

Alyssa pulled Emma closer and ran a hand through her hair. She wrapped her other arm around Emma’s shoulder. In response, Emma curled up against Alyssa and lay her head on her collarbone.

“Fuck yeah, cuddles!”

Alyssa burst out laughing. She couldn’t remember the last time she felt this happy, this light, this free.

* * *

“Kay, I’m not checking myself out, what the hell gave you that idea?”

Kaylee gave her a look that suggested she knew that was a lie.

It was a lie, but that wasn't important. Alyssa had felt beautiful for perhaps the first time in her life, but that wasn't important either. Because if Kaylee knew that, she'd hate Alyssa for it. Thankfully, Shelby swooped in to save her.

“Okay, can we stop talking about this? Lys and I have somewhere to be and I don't want to be late.”

Kaylee rolled her eyes. “ _ Fine _ , but you can’t escape it.”

Alyssa and Shelby turned and exited the locker room, and they were almost to their destination by the time Shelby had the guts to break the tense silence.

“Are you sure this is a good idea?”

“Honestly, no. But as long as you don’t tell anyone where you were or what she said, it can’t be that catastrophic.”

“Who is she, anyway?”

Silence.

They reached the end of the music hallway and Shelby was face-to-face with Emma Nolan. She didn’t know who she imagined Emma to be, but a scared kid whose eyes widened at the sight of her wasn't it. So maybe she could get through this  _ very brief  _ interaction with no issue. This thought was immediately wiped away as Shelby walked into the band closet with Emma and was afraid of what she might do while Alyssa turned away with a wave, muttering something about hanging up posters for the student council.

Emma smiled at Alyssa before turning to Shelby with a straight face. “Are you gonna yell at me about raping you if I shut the door?”

Shelby wouldn't have responded the way she did if she didn't trust Alyssa. “No.”

Emma shut the door slowly and sunk down in the opposite corner of the closet from Shelby. “So. Let's get down to business. What does Alyssa think we have in common?”

“I don't know! I say one word about not wanting to have sex and she's like  _ let me set you up with the queer _ !”

Emma nearly jumped out of her skin at the word and pursed her lips briefly in an attempt to regain composure before she spoke again. “First, don't call me that. No calling me the d-word either. Second, I don't want to have sex either, so, bingo.”

“What?! No. I can't be like you.”

She put it bluntly. “Why not?”

“You're going against God! And--”

“Lesbos are creeps who are gonna try to get it on with an innocent straight girl. Got it. That's...very false. I can't speak for everyone, but I had a panic attack the first time I tried it.”

“You get panic attacks?”

“Oh, yeah,” Emma admitted to it like it was nothing.

“How did Alyssa know all this?”

“She's literally dating my cousin. She’s at my place all the time, we kinda had to befriend each other.”

“So you told her about your sex life?

“Friends can discuss these things.”

Shelby went visibly pale. “I just think it's gross.”

“Sex-repulsed,” Emma muttered under her breath. “I'm a little more open to it, admittedly, but I just don't get anything out of it.”

“What do you mean, sex-repulsed?”

“Some asexual people like sex, that’s sex-positive, others, like me, just don't care. People like you who want nothing to do with sex are sex-repulsed.”

“A...sexual? There's a word for it? I'm not crazy?”

“Of course there's a word, of course there are other people like you. Didn't you look it up?”

“I didn't want anyone thinking I'm a homo.”

“Again with the weird words. Just say gay, I’m begging you. Besides, you can be straight and also not want sex. Romantic attraction and sexual attraction aren't the same thing.”

“Huh?”

“Okay. So. Quick example. I get crushes on and want to date exclusively girls, but I don't want to have sex with the girls I have crushes on, so I'm an asexual lesbian. You have crushes on, and want to date, exclusively boys but despise the idea of sex. So that would make you heteroromantic asexual.”

“This is confusing.”

“I know. It was overwhelming for me, too.”

“How are you so okay with it? Liking girls and all. Wasn't it weird to abandon what we grew up learning?”

“Okay, we're going back to the religious trauma again. Oh boy.”

“Are you okay?”

“It's...a little hard to talk about,” Emma admitted. “Imagine knowing who you love before being told it was wrong, and then being made to hate yourself since you were seven years old, in the name of something that claimed to be loving.”

“So...why did you come out?”

A light way of asking why she had to shove it in everyone's faces, Emma noted.

“Because it was with my girlfriend that I finally understood what it meant to be loved. Made me realize I didn't want to hide, that I didn't have to hate who I was. And weirdly enough I feel closer to God now that I'm living my truth, and I'm not abandoning anything. They meant for me to be out in the middle of Indiana. Still, I've practically been banned from the church because I’ll infect it with Satan or whatever. Either way, the damage has been done and I’m kinda scared of churches because I don't want to be shunned again even if I believe in God. That's all conservative Christians are doing, turning people away from the faith.”

It was getting harder for Shelby to believe that Emma could infect someone with Satan already. “That's...awful.”

“And somehow I keep thinking that if I just...try to keep being nice to the people who hate me, I’ll be led in the direction of wherever I'm meant to go with my life, as long as it's not here. Love thy neighbor is the most important part of Their message, right?”

Emma didn't mention being rewarded for her good deeds.

“Hang on, are you calling God a they?”

“Yeah. They're a divine being and all, it makes sense to me that They exist beyond human concepts of male and female.

“That's so interesting.”

They kept talking until they heard a knock on the closet door, at which point Shelby scribbled her phone number onto a sheet of paper and closed out with, “Thanks for putting up with me.”

“Thanks for listening, and also not killing me.”

Shelby left the closet and met up with Alyssa again.

“So?”

“That went so much better than I thought it would.”

After that, Emma and Shelby were talking, in secret, sort of often. Emma had gotten her an ace ring, and she wore it every day, next to the promise ring Kevin got her for their anniversary. They sat next to each other in health class, and when the class got to sex ed Alyssa watched from the front row as they rolled their eyes at each other for what was practically the whole class period. Emma couldn’t seem to wipe the smile off her face, only helped by how Shelby was starting to band with Alyssa to protect. For nearly a year, things were starting to look up for Emma.

Then she asked Alyssa to prom, and all hell broke loose. Everyone was suddenly blaming her and the harassment suddenly surged back to a level where Alyssa and Shelby couldn’t control it. All Kaylee had to do to sneak a bear with a noose tied around its neck into Emma’s locker was not tell them.

“Do you like the bear?”

_ Oh, fuck you and all of your stupid friends. _

Emma just rolled her eyes. There was an anger that simmered inside her on a nearly constant basis thanks to shit like this, threatening to explode. She thought she might blow up at the PTA meeting, but someone did that for her. These four actors burst in and Emma’s explosion was delayed by about a week, because prom was back on, and suddenly she was being put in a pretty dress by Barry Glickman. Suddenly she was a normal girl.

It didn’t look like her in the mirror, perhaps that was how she ended up blindsided by an empty parking lot. A gymnasium that you could hardly call decorated, only littered with decorations. She checked her phone.

The last text she received from Alyssa:

**hey baby! texting you now because my mom will be going insane tomorrow. i bet you’ll look gorgeous and i cant wait to dance with you! xoxo goodnight**

Her last texts with Shelby, hardly three hours earlier.

**im not entirely convinced this isn’t too good to be true.**

She got left on read for nearly 10 minutes.

**dont worry about it! you’ll have the prom you deserve**

_ No, no, no, no! _

Her phone ringing cut through her panic.

“Alyssa?”

“I swear, I had no idea.”

_ You’ll have the prom you deserve. _

“I know I’m on the prom committee but I guess Kaylee and Shelby found out somehow and honestly I shouldn’t be surprised that they’d keep this from me, I mean--anything for the image, right?! And I want to tell my mom, I’m just not sure I can do it alone. Not like this...God, I can’t imagine how it feels for you,” Alyssa’s words kept getting faster and faster and Emma worried she was on the verge of a breakdown of sorts.

If she’d seen this coming and really didn’t care, she wouldn’t have bothered to call and risk more people finding out. She’d been out sick for the last--emergency--meeting of the committee.

“Baby, it’s okay. I believe you, okay? Don’t worry about it. I’ll talk to Shelby for you.”

“It’s so loud in here, Emma,” the thought had no relevance to the conversation, but Emma took it as another sign of Alyssa’s panic.

“Do you think you can get to a bathroom?”

There was a pause before Alyssa hummed an affirmative.

“Okay. Will you be alright on your own for a few minutes? I’ll see if I can get one of the actors to pick you up without anyone knowing.”

“Mm-hm.”

“Alright. I’ll see you in a bit, Lyssa. Remember to breathe.”

Emma’s next call took on a completely different tone.

“Hi, um, what the actual fuck?!”

“I’m sorry, but I couldn’t have anyone suspect me! Can you imagine how they would’ve reacted had I tried to defend you?”

“You’re so scared of being suspected that you throw my girlfriend under the bus, and then you expect me to feel bad for you?!”

“Well--”

“You have a boyfriend! You have the normal, perfect teenage life that she and I have been fighting for!”

“But--”

“Don’t you dare use your aversion to sex to say you’re somehow excluded! You haven’t been to hell and back like I have, and if anything it makes you better to them! You can say you’re waiting until marriage and still have enough power to do this!”

“It’s not my  _ fucking fault _ you had to make yourself everyone else’s business! You could’ve been like me. You could’ve stayed hidden, then no one would care if you were a dyke.”

“What did I say about calling me that?! I thought we were past that! Why did I trust you again?”

“You’re a sinner. So is Alyssa. I wanted to help you.”

“So you fake a whole friendship?! Great fucking job, but that has consequences. Besides, we’ve been over this too. Are you just running out of excuses?!”

“I--”

“You know what?! I don’t want to hear this. You’re a selfish asshole. If you want to wait until the day being LGBT is accepted here, I’ll meet you at your grave. And I’ll have had a happier life than you, because guess what, wanting is not enough anymore.”

With that, she hung up on Shelby Gonzales and ran out of the gym.

Alyssa climbed into the back of her truck and only then did Emma let herself sob hysterically.

“Why the hell are you in a dress…?”

The day after prom, Shelby was at the 24-Mart with her friends, trying to repress her guilt over what she did to Emma. She wanted to tell her the truth, say that she was projecting her own fears onto Emma and that it was a shitty thing to do. She wanted to tell her why she was so afraid, but that meant admitting it to herself.

That guy from Talk to the Hand showed up. He started talking about what it meant to be a good christian. Saying everyone there was a sinner in some way, and that their sins weren’t less than being gay. He tried to claim she’d lost her virginity and for a brief moment she wanted to die, but that was overridden by his next point. Love thy neighbor trumps them all. She thought about the first conversation she had with Emma in junior year. Her admitting quite casually that she had always liked girls, before she could be told it was a sin. Shelby wondered who made kindergarten-aged Emma’s heart flutter in her chest. Had it always been Alyssa the way it had always been Kaylee for her? That wouldn’t be surprising.

Shit, she had to fix this.

“You know, you have a point. Maybe she was always gay.”

“Exactly, Shelby! Because that's how God made her!”

Shelby thought she might cry.

She apologized to Emma, in the gym, in front of everyone, but she knew that wouldn't begin to cut it. She still felt like a coward as she watched Alyssa come out to her mother.

“You deserve to go to prom like any other kid.” 

Those were the words she chose to say to Emma, and she felt the hypocrisy in each one. Emma didn't hug back for a moment. She was afraid, Shelby could feel it, and she regretted ever being afraid of her. Finally, Emma wrapped her arms around Shelby, and her hands found the ring she gave her a lifetime ago. She started twirling it around Shelby's middle finger.

Shelby found her at prom, the real one, in a tux, on the dance floor, brimming with joy and confidence and all the boisterous, enthusiastic, vivacious energy she had never associated with her friend...all in a place where she had never felt more out of place in her life. She was happy, sure. But she didn't feel like she fit in. She never fought the fight that Emma, and the rest of these kids, did. Hesitantly, she pulled Emma from a large group of kids.

Emma's features went dark, just a little.

“What do you want?”

“My apology didn't cut it.”

“No shit, Sherlock.”

“I was...everything you said I was. I was selfish, a coward, an asshole. I won't deny it. But I want to start over. Try to explain myself without hurting you.”

“Why should I trust you?”

“You don't have to, I just...want to start over. Forget this shit.”

Again, Emma was hesitant. Shelby could tell she was afraid of betrayal.

“So...what were you afraid of?”

“I have a crush on Kaylee--I'm biromantic. I don't know how Kev will take either of those things,” Shelby didn't mean to, but she was tearing up.

“He’s a good guy,” Emma said. The reply was so immediate that it made Shelby wonder where it came from. “ At worst you’ll have a relatively clean split and Kaylee won’t be too much of an ass anymore. At best...have you ever heard of polyamory?”

“No?”

“You can date more than one person.”

Shelby's eyes lit up.

“Emma?”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks for everything, really. I don't know what the fuck I’d do without you...and I’ve never seen Alyssa so happy in my life. You've done so much for us both. I hope you get where you're meant to go.”

“I hope the same for you, Gonzales. I’d like for us to try again,” Emma smiled, suddenly changing tone. “And I believe the allos would call my girlfriend  _ hot _ .”

“Ew, oh my God. You're disgusting,” Shelby's tone was light.

Since a few days after prom, Emma had been having this weird dream. Usually, a weird dream wouldn’t faze her, but this one came back every night, she remembered every detail, and it always started the exact same way. 

_ Alyssa’s fingers trailing down the slight curvature in her spine. She didn’t know how she knew it was her, but she did, and the touch made Emma feel like she was burning from the inside out. She shivered, and Alyssa’s laugh at the motion would sink into her bare skin. Emma rolled over on the bed so she was facing her. They had been trying to fall asleep in the same bed. Emma facing away from Alyssa and Alyssa watching over her serenely, perhaps not noticing what she had done until Emma reacted. _

_ “You like when I touch you there?” _

_ “Mmm, maybe.” _

_ “What else would you like?” _

_ “It’s late,” Emma tried to keep self-control, but to no avail. _

_ “And neither of us can sleep,” Alyssa offered, and Emma cracked instantly. “Now, can I touch you someplace else?” _

_ She nodded. _

_ The feeling of Alyssa’s hands on her thighs was intense...so intense and white-hot that Emma barely registered that she wasn’t wearing pants. Why wasn’t she wearing pants? _

The gentle pressure on Emma’s legs dissipated suddenly as she was jolted back into consciousness and she instinctively shot upright in bed. It was her bed...the same one from her dream, but it felt cold and empty despite the cold sweat on her forehead and the fact that she’d never felt so...peculiarly alive. She didn’t pay much attention to it, she’d started to get used to waking up like this. What she didn’t expect today was for the dream to seep into her morning, too. She had just been alone in her room, listening to music. But the song made her think of her dream, and then she didn’t realize where her hands ended up until--

“Emma!” Greg called out. “Lunch is ready!”

_ Fuck. _

“Coming!”

_ What was happening to her?! And if it was what she suspected...what the fuck? How?! _

It didn’t go away. She ate her lunch as fast as possible and it didn’t go away. She started frantically searching for  _ something _ but all that got her was porn sites and she was not interested in that. The only person she could imagine was Alyssa.

Alyssa.

Her phone started to ring with no warning. Her mother shot her a glare from across the living room, as if to say,  _ don’t interrupt this call with yours. If it’s important, go upstairs.  _ She looked down and found Emma was the one calling. Odd. She had been talking to Shelby a lot more lately now that they could be honest about their friendship, so this had to be something specific, meant for only Alyssa to hear. She was halfway up the staircase by the time she accepted the call, and she couldn’t even get out a greeting before Emma’s voice came over the line, rushed and panicked.

“Babe, help. I think I’m horny.”

Alyssa nearly dropped her phone. She rushed up the rest of the staircase and shut the door before she responded, whispering. “If anyone else said that to me...I’d be laughing.”

“Lyssa! This isn’t funny!”

“I know, I know!”

“I can’t help you now because my mom will kill me, but we’ll figure this out, okay?”

“Okay.”

“I’ll text you--I think she’s on a call with a client.”

“Okay, I’ll leave you alone now, sorry.”

“No, don’t apologize,” Alyssa retorted. “Alright, I’m gonna go--love you.”

“Love you too.”

She didn’t get to talk to her mother until dinner, and she could tell this was not the day for the conversation she swore they’d have.

“What’s going on? You seem stressed.”

“Issues with the motel,” Mrs. Greene sighed. “My client’s reservation wasn’t properly registered and now they have nowhere to go when they get in town but no way to book a new flight before Saturday, so I said they could use the guest room, but then I have no place for another kid in the house so I don’t know what’s happening with that and now my whole schedule is screwed.”

Alyssa was very used to her mother ranting like this. “If they need it, the kid can stay in my room. I wanted to go over to Emma’s place on Saturday anyway, if that’s alright with you.”

Her mother stiffened, but Alyssa knew she didn’t really have a choice. “Fine.”

**i know you told me greg has a last minute college visit this weekend**

**ill see you saturday**

_ Ah, fuck it, why not? _

**_;)_ **

The oddest thing about today, though, was how Mrs.Greene explained the resolved situation to her client.

“She offered the room, Mrs. Waters. She’ll be with her girlfriend; that’ll give me time to clean up in there if anything happens,” she added a silence that read  _ because you know how teenagers are.  _ “Hopefully by Sunday morning the motel will have a room open that’s fit for you. I’m sorry again, they don’t usually have these issues.”

Veronica Greene just acknowledged that she knew (mostly) what was going to happen this weekend between her daughter and Edgewater’s resident lesbian, and she was trying to make peace with it. She said it out loud, to a client, of all people. And Alyssa could hope that if said client didn’t “agree” with it, her mother would make it known that her daughter was the most important thing in her life, even if she couldn’t afford to turn the woman away.

Alyssa didn’t hear an argument erupt from her mother’s side of the call. It would be okay.

* * *

“Okay, let’s talk about this--what are you feeling?”

Emma let out a groan, watching as Alyssa giggled and pantomimed a pen and paper with her hands.

“I don’t know, I just can’t stop thinking about…”

“What?”

“You. A-and I’m having this...this dream every night, and--”

“We have sex in the dream?” Alyssa cut off, deadpan.

Emma nodded. “So...I tried looking up...stuff, but--” she cut off with a shudder. “It wasn’t the same. It wasn’t  _ you _ .”

Alyssa shivered, trying to conceal that she went hot at the words. “O-okay, so, we know what we’re looking for now, great!”

It took about 15 minutes of Google before they came across the word demisexual.

“Oh.”

“Oh?”

Alyssa looked at her girlfriend, tears pricking in her eyes.

“That’s... me.”

Alyssa kissed her slowly, trying to make the tears go away. “So...what do you wanna do now?

* * *

“How could you do this to me?” Shelby joked, playfully nudging Emma’s side. 

“I--”

“ _ I know _ you’ve done things with her before, don’t get me wrong, she was so bad at hiding it, but the difference here is that this time you actively wanted, and it enjoyed it...to the point you were sore afterward? Are...are you okay?”

“I’m fine, Shelbs.” 

Emma’s phone buzzed with a text.

**just remembered i forgot to show you this on sunday**

There was an image attached, very clearly a screenshot of Alyssa’s phone. More specifically, her contacts menu, listing her girlfriend as ‘Demma’ with a purple heart. Emma grinned at this, and the action caught Shelby’s attention.

“Is this some cute, sappy shit I wanna see, or can I no longer trust you not to be gross?”

**babe**

**you’re gonna make me cry again**

**IN FRONT OF SHELBY**

**AND THE WHOLE FUCKING MALL.**

**> :(**

“Demma?”

Alyssa texts back.

**ooo, a period. im so scared.**

Emma fired back just as quickly as she replied to Shelby.

**were gonna fight later**

“Surprise, surprise! I was demisexual the whole time.”

“Oh. Okay. Cool. That explains literally half of what you just said to me. Nice!”

That wasn’t the reaction Emma expected. For the past two weeks, she had gotten used to being Edgewater’s gay encyclopedia, because answering somewhat-invasive questions was miles better than being called slurs. But sometimes they all forgot that she didn’t know everything. She was just a kid. She had her own questions and confusion. So it was nice to have Shelby not ask what that meant.

If that was how she felt about one person not asking questions, imagine how she felt about her first pride. She swore she’d never seen so much vibrant color in her life. She also never imagined that the amount of orange on the lesbian flag would look so good on her girlfriend. Orange wasn’t supposed to look good on anyone, yet here they were. Speaking of flags, the small group, consisting of Emma, Alyssa, and Shelby, passed by a booth offering free flags, and Emma couldn’t help but notice the demisexual flag. She shot a few quick glances at the booth before Shelby noticed this and rolled her eyes, returning with a flag for herself and a flag for Emma.

“Here you go, dumbass,” she said fondly and draped the flag over Emma’s shoulders before tying hers loosely around her neck.

Emma swore she’d never been so happy in her life. She recalled how afraid she was of this, way back before she even understood what it meant, and concluded that she wouldn’t have it any other way. After years of struggle with herself, here she stood in a busy street of Indianapolis with her friends and with her allies, hundreds of people like her, finally she felt like she was where she was meant to be.

**Author's Note:**

> OOGH I'm so glad to get this out of the Google Doc of Shame. Now I can focus on Swim AU again, and let it be known that I am SO excited for the next chapter because I came up with some GOOD STUFF, and yes I am "tooting my own horn" here.


End file.
